Sunday, October 2, 2011

First post.

So here I am again trying to keep a journal of my thoughts. I have been feeling a rush of conflicting emotions lately. I love the classes I'm taking and spending time with my new friends. But those thoughts and feelings of years past linger. I often think about what things could have been. I don't regret things I have done but I do regret the things I haven't done. Where would I be now if I had done things differently? I should have told you the truth, perhaps that would ease the emptiness I feel at times. I have built a wall that I am slowly taking down, but a part of it will always be there. I am sorry; I do not wish to burden anyone.
What happened in March shook me up a great deal. Suddenly I was forced to think about the uncertainty of the future and being on my own. Every day was agony, sitting and waiting for the call that would have crushed my soul. But it didn't happen and I count myself blessed in a sense. Although things turned out okay I am still haunted by that dark time. Perhaps that is why I have been rather reckless about time. For the first time in my life, I find myself wanting to spend time in the light that comes from being around others. What a strange change it has been for me.

Until next time farewell.